I’m not sure I can be. This post is vague, because there are actually multiple persons I’m referring to. I want your feedback here. I’ve been praying for help to let go of some of the ways I was wronged by past friends or love interests. I won’t say I’ve reached total forgiveness for all of them, but I’ve come a long way.
Some of these people, though, want to be friends now. I’m going to be doing some reading and prayer on this, but I want the opinion of my readers. If I’ve forgiven someone the pain they once caused me, and the lies, whatever else, does that mean that I have to be friends with them? I know that Christ would always be there for them, but is there a way for me to be Christ-like without associating with these people?
I have forgiven them (mostly) but that doesn’t make it any less painful to remember. I have forgiven them (mostly) but that doesn’t mean I trust them again. I have forgiven them (mostly) but that doesn’t mean they’ve changed. What do you guys think?
The thing that I have learned in my life is that forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. Yes, we can choose to forgive someone, but that doesn’t mean we have to place ourselves in a position where we can be hurt again. You are not responsible to continue a friendship that may put your heart in danger. Be empowered to seek friends who can support and encourage you rather than bring you down. Hope this helps.
I am not a regular reader of your blog, but you asked a tough question that I think has no easy answer. I would answer the question this way. Not everyone I meet becomes my friend, not everyone I spend time with becomes my friend. Having said that I would answer your question this way. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to be their friend, but it does mean that you have to offer them the opportunity to become your friend again. That is easier said than done and act on the advice of Christians who share your life.
I have a further question, do the people involved know what they did to hurt you? Are they repentant/have they changed (or at least claim to have changed)? If you allow them the opportunity to attempt to become your friend again, do not be afraid to confront them if their behavior shows any sign of repeating that which hurt you the first time. Ultimately, pray and ask for the Spirit’s guidance.
I’m always very upfront about what I’m upset about and why I don’t want to be around people. They’ve all had multiple chances, and I’m tired of “forgiving and forgetting”. The same people burn me in the same ways each time. I do care about these people, they are or were very big parts of my life at one point or another. I wanted to continue having them in my life. I want to be able to keep forgiving, keep giving them the benefit of the doubt, but I feel as though there needs to be a point where I can step back and say “I’ve tried enough, this time I don’t need to try to be their friend again.” Then I feel bad, and ask myself “What would Jesus Do?” And I start the vicious cycle all over again. I need to figure out at what point I’ve done my part.
I am not going to tell you that this is the advice you need to follow because I do not personally know you or these other people who you have the issues with. However, I think I see something that might help in the way you phrased what you said in response to my first comment. You said that you want to be able to say “…I don’t need to try to be their friend again.” And that is absolutely correct. You don’t need to try to be their friend, but you should allow THEM the opportunity to TRY to be your friend. Do you see the slight, but significant, difference there?
If not, I will pray that someone will come into your life who can explain it to you because it means that it is something that needs to be explained in person and not typed. There is a line between forgiving people and showing God’s love to them and letting yourself become sucked in and separated from God’s love by the hurt they cause you. Please do not let anything I am saying be construed as judgment against what you have decided you need to do for your own well-being. I do not know you, or the situation you are in, well enough to make such a judgment.
Honestly i dont know if I could be true friends with someone who has wronged me. I strive to be a friend to everyone because i never know who really needs the encouragement and it just may be the thing they need to pull them out of a dark place. But like Seeking said in their comment… You dont want to be put in a place where they can just hurt you again. it may be neccesary to put up boundaries for these people and tell them upfront when you are feeling that its not working in anyway. Remember im a call away if you want to talk or FB me